I wore a dress to the office not too long ago that prompted my colleague to stop me dead in my tracks and nearly scream “oh my God, you look SO elegant.” Of course I blushed, smiled and thanked her, so appreciative of the compliment. But days later, I was still thinking about it. Elegant….elegant? What a beautiful word and lovely descriptor…but am I elegant? It’s not a term that immediately resonates with me - neither stylistically or characteristically- but it sat with me for a bit and got me ruminating about what it actually means to be elegant. I started to think about true elegance, how it translates via personal style, but also in how we purport ourselves. I came to the somewhat enlightening conclusion that we as a society- in our clothes and beyond- are far overdue for a collective return to elegance.
The dictionary defines elegance as: “the quality of being graceful and stylish in appearance or manner; style.” My brain immediately jumps to Truman Capote and his Swans, and historically elegant figures such as Grace Kelly or Babe Paley. And sure, this is largely due to their impeccably polished, feminine style- but it’s more than that. It’s in the way they carried themselves, the way they spoke and connected with people, and the way they presented an overall sense of calm graciousness, almost unbothered by anything externally menacing, seeming to rise above it all.
Fast forward to today, and we’ve happily diverged from a prescribed, antiquated take on elegance- which is of course rife with damaging feminine archetypes and false stereotypes. By no means am I advocating that we go back the the 50s and 60s version of elegance where women where meant to be seen and not heard. F that.
But I do think there’s a reason (besides the sheer brilliance of Jools Lebron) that “very demure, very mindful” took off the way it did last month. We were deep into our brat summer and perhaps looking for a counterpoint to the outspoken chaos of it all. As with everything in life, it always comes back to striking that ever-important sense of balance.
I started to peel back the layers of ‘elegance’ to better understand just what makes an outfit so…and sure, there are some hallmarks to consider which I’ll get into here, but most importantly, it’s a mindset. One that we have maybe shunned because in many ways, elegance requires effort. And for as long as I can remember now (at least since the 2010s), the notion of “effortless style” has been the paragon to aspire to. Sure you can APPEAR effortless and elegant, but if you actually radiate elegance in the purest sense of the word, chances are, that took a bit of time and thought to create. AND THAT’S OK. Why should it be a crime to try? (WSJ even did a story on the topic earlier this summer- gift link to read here!)
Earlier this week, two of my absolute favorite brands, Alaïa and Toteme, showed during NYFW. And in both cases, the collections were dripping in elegance. The silhouettes, colors, and details were considered, restrained, and downright sublime. And while fashion month has only just begun, I’m exhilarated by these collections and the tone they set for the season by elevating our collective elegance quotient.
Now, you could argue that elegance is subjective, and you’d be right- to a degree. There are some nuances that break through via personal style, but I view these more as variations instead of divergences. To that end, I wanted to share some elements I’ve found to be associated with elegant dressing- many of which you probably already have in your closet. I hope you’ll find it an inspiring approach to fine-tuning your personal style in a way that’s especially relevant as we head into a new season that’s known for a more elegant approach to dressing anyhow: long, streamlined coats, trousers, boots and heels, dresses and sweaters. All the makings of elegance, just in time for a ‘very demure, very mindful’ fall.
The Simplicity of a Dress
Let’s start with the aforementioned dress that spurred it all. This Khaite dress (left, purchased on deep, deep discount via The Outnet), is pretty much the most elegant thing I think I own. I bought it a bit on a whim- mainly for the insane price- but as soon as I put it on, I felt transformed. The silhouette does it all, as the drop waist, bubble hem and off-the-shoulder neckline are all landmarks of details found in more elegant clothing. Yet it still feels modern thanks to the black jersey fabric. Paired with the python print sandals, I do lean quite Khaite, but I appreciate the embrace of a full concept sometimes. The animal print adds edge, making the whole outfit less sweet.
On the right, an elegant black silk shift dress from Julia Amory, along with a barely-there sandal. Again the classic shift silhouette does the heavy lifting, and while this dress is black, any shade would work because the shape is ultimately what renders the elegance moreso than the color.
I’ve written before about how we have entered our collective bottoms + tops era, and I think we’re very much still there thanks to the styling magic of separates that labels like The Row and High Sport have afforded us. But there is something so elegant and easy about wearing a dress- esp an LBD. As legendary icon Diane von Furstenberg says, “feel like a woman, wear a dress!”
Some other elegant dresses to consider:
Tuxedo Dressing
Perhaps when I say elegant, the first idea that pops into your head is a chic LBD. But the second is probably a tuxedo. Tuxedos are historically considered menswear, but for decades now, women have embraced the design hallmarks of tuxedos in dressing to brilliant effect. You get the tension afforded by mixing the masculine with the feminine alongside the polish associated with a classic item such as the tux.
Styled here in a less formal manner, you can see that tuxedo dressing doesn’t need to be so literal. In fact, if you deconstruct the tuxedo’s elements, as I attempted, it feels quite modern - but still elegant. On the left, the silk boxer shorts contrast the cotton tee, but the long satin double-breasted blazer brings it right back to elevated. And the shoes are my little nod to a bowtie! (PS- Thank you to the amazing Substacker who posted about these vintage Ferragamo puppies on eBay a month or so ago, I wish I remember who they were!) On the right, the bib detail of the shirt elevates it past a simple white button down and adds formality, but when untucked with black slim fit pants and finished off with a leather slipper, the resulting tuxedo take is more relaxed than stuffy.
Other fun & varied tuxedo dressing ideas:
Satin and Silk
Lest we think elegance is only found in black & white, I’m injecting some color here to show that it too can be- and IS- elegant! Satin & silk are two fabrics historically associated with elegance, mainly due to the preciousness they imbue. They were all over the Toteme, Khaite and Alaïa runways as well. I love both fabrications (esp satin which has made quite the comeback in the past 1-2 years), but let’s be honest, they’re not the most practical (or kid-friendly!) Luckily, the proliferation of these traditionally formal materials in everything from lounge pants, shoes, button downs, bags and the like have brought them back to the forefront in a much more wearable way.
Satin & silk are also very fall/winter-friendly materials, so again, it makes sense that as we head into a more elegant season, we’re drawn to more elegant fabrics. Textural contrast is critical when it comes to satin & silk; it creates that much-needed friction while keeping the overall intent of the look in tact. On the left, I opted for a creamy silk blouse and mint green satin kitten heel mules, contrasted by a knit skirt. On the right- joyful silk meets serious cashmere! I spotted these silk pants on
a while back and instantly added to cart. I love the color, ease, and instant dash of elegance they add to any look. I paired with a marled gray-ish taupe cashmere tee for that friction, and while part of me was dying to throw on a pair of black leather flip flops with this look (and it would still work!), I leaned into the elegance of it all with pointy-toe slingbacks.More gorgeous silk or satin pieces to consider:
Tailoring
If you paid any attention during NYFW, you would’ve seen that tailoring was nearly everywhere. Yup, it’s official: we’re re-entering our pantsuit era. But this time, it’s less stuffy and perfect. Instead it’s relaxed, louche, and a bit naughty even? I’ve been feeling the urge to wear a suit- or at least my take on one- as we head into fall, which is strange because suits, and the polished vibe of them, are not really in my immediate style wheelhouse. Perhaps it was
’s gorgeous suit that she debuted a couple of weeks ago that tipped me over the edge, or just all the great tailoring I saw on the NYFW runways. But suiting, and subsequently tailoring, feels exciting, fresh and yes- elegant.Perhaps the tuxedo’s half-brother, tailoring is less about a single item and more an overall approach to dressing. I’m obsessed with tailoring and use it for nearly everything in my wardrobe. (Next to a jeweler, the best weapon a stylish woman can have is a fantastic tailor.) I actually visit my tailor almost weekly - not even kidding. I hem pants, take in skirts, shorten dresses, tailor sleeves- you name it. I cannot think of anything more elegant than clothing that is actually made to fit your body. In fact, that’s the entire premise of Haute Couture and Savile Row, two institutions that are drenched in elegance and style.
On the left, I’m wearing the only pantsuit (at least in the traditional sense) that I own. Paired with a simple white tee and flats, the overall vibe is (again) chill elegance. On the right, a different take on tailoring that I would argue is still quite elegant: pleated tailored shorts, a simple tee, a refined lady jacket, barely-there heels and a Tier 2 accessory (more on that below). The overall effect of both looks is one that translates tailoring for everyday life in 2024; yes we want to look elegant but we also need to be able to move, function and perform in our clothes!
Some other takes on tailoring to consider:
Tier Two Accessories
The final touch that can truly make or break a look is of course accessories. For the purposes of elegant dressing, I’ve broken accessories down into two tiers. Tier 1 accessories are the easiest go-to items in our lives that most of us wear daily bc they’re automatic: jewelry, shoes, and bags. If you’re anything like me, you’re not changing these accessories drastically outfit to outfit, and therefore, they risk feeling a bit stale. My bracelet stack never changes, I only rotate my earring studs roughly once a month, and I most certainly do not change my bag every day (the headache of constantly transferring everything over, no thanks!). Of course, shoes are where we dabble on the daily - but that’s a given strictly for utility’s sake. (And even then, I’d argue that we tend to stick to a handful of pairs each season that we rotate for the most part.)
Tier 2 accessories, on the other hand, are the ‘elegant finishing touches’ that can truly elevate an outfit from good to great. These are: hats, gloves, scarves, belts, hair accessories, socks/tights, sunnies, and I’ll add statement jewelry here as it stands apart from everyday Tier 1 jewelry. Tier 2s are accessories that you have to actively reach for with intention. (We’re back to putting in some effort!) I have to admit, this is one area where I could do better. I tend to default to my Tier 1s, mainly bc I am lazy and/or run out of time in the morning. But Tier 2s are transformative, and truly a hallmark of elegant dressing. Just look at the above collage of street style outside of the Toteme show this week (courtesy of the amazing Sarah Semberg- totally worth a follow!) Every woman pictured is wearing a Tier 2 accessory that makes the overall outfit feel more elegant and pulled together. Would their outfits still work without the Tier 2s? Of course…but they would just fall a little flatter and feel a bit less elegant. So just a reminder- for myself included- to take those extra 4 minutes to add that Tier 2 flourish for a truly elegant outfit.
More Tier 2 accessories I have my eye on:
I’ll leave you with this really fantastic quote from acclaimed novelist Paulo Coelho, which sums up how elegance is a frame of mind, more than anything.
“Elegance is usually confused with superficiality, fashion, lack of depth. This is a serious mistake: human beings need to have elegance in their actions and in their posture because this word is synonymous with good taste, amiability, equilibrium and harmony.”
How demure, how mindful. How elegant!
Thank you for being here, reading, commenting and supporting every week! I so appreciate it. Until next week! xx
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Beautifully written! My personal style definitely leans elegant, classic & feminine….love reading your article and how you broke down the different elements of elegance. Also love the Julia Amory black baby Jane dress, I have it in both the short and full length and in multiple colors! It’s so timeless.
Tier 2 accessories; I’ve never heard of this but now I’m very invested!!